insomnia

you can feel it hours earlier....much like you can smell snow hours before it starts. if you're like me, you ignore all the doctor-recommended, FDA-approved, relaxation book techniques.

you know they won't work.

so you think about making coffee at 2 AM.

you play farmville, or mafia wars.

you find West Wing transcripts on line.

you do everything except put down the computer, turn off the light, and go to sleep.

a year

am I better than I was a year ago? Yes and no.

The suicide attempt was clearly unsuccessful -- and i feel it's important to keep an sense of humor about that.

i'm not dating -- no one seems single anymore

had my gallbladder out -- now...what to do with my gall?

must write here every day. i'd actually be psyched if i had a blog that no one read.

let's look at this objectively, shall we?

i'm great in bed, which men know -- so that's what they ask for. Do they really want a partner? Probably not, or least not me.....

So how do I move beyond that? How do I become someone who is interesting enough to share a life with? Do people settle for less and don't think about it from that angle?

I used to think I was interesting; now I'm not so sure. I feel like a baseball team that's on a 16 game losing streak...how do you get your mojo back?

This isn't self-pity; I moved past that an hour ago to focus on what really matters. What makes you loveable to someone else?

What do you do if you know you have to be alone, but you really don't want to be?

It hurts to write too much yet. More to come.

This is the first day of the rest of my life?

Crap.

Maybe the blog will help. No one will ever read it but that's ok.

I just need a connection to something....